Lately I’ve been thinking about what kind of mum I want to be.
Which I know I am going to have to go with the flow when it happens, but more in respect to – not working vs working part time vs working full time and how much time should I take off from my business.
When I was growing up I felt like my mum was always working – I found out just recently that she did have 18 months off before returning back to work (Obviously that is before long term memory kicked in). I was never upset that my mum worked, yes there may have been times of disappointment if she couldn’t come to some school event, but I was always grateful and appreciative that she did work as I really believe that it instilled great work ethic in me.
In my teens I looked up to working mothers and were really inspired by them.
As bad as it sounds, but I pitied the stay at home mums as I felt like they had given up their dreams. My selfish-20-something self felt like having kids was ‘game over’ in life, your life is not about you anymore and it just becomes all about your kids. That idea was depressing to me. It wasn’t until I hit my 30s that I saw amazing women having it all, and that I was also reminded that my mum did it too.
I recently read this article by Alexandra Franzen the other day and it really resonated with me.
“Let your child see you in love with your work. Let your child see you pursue the yearnings of your heart. Let your child see you shine, and be happy, and give your gifts generously to the world. Invite your child into your work, occasionally, so that your child can see and feel what you do when you’re not at home”
Up until this point I was envisaging taking on this ‘earth mother’ role whilst on maternity leave.
I even toyed with the idea of becoming a full time mum, where I would just switch off from work, focus on family and forget the business world. I am coming to realise that is totally not me…
Up until I walked away from the magazine I was incredibly burnt out and was just wanting my maternity leave to start right away to have a ‘break’. I stopped marketing and actively pursing new clients – I actually haven’t built a custom website this year and have declined a bunch of amazing projects that just ‘didn’t feel right’.
I know taking the step back from the online business world was well overdue for me, as in doing so I feel like my batteries are recharging and the ideas are slowly starting to flow again.
Obviously with just over 2 months to go, I am not going to launch into anything big before baby comes and I am going to definitely take some time off but I get this feeling that something is brewing biz wise.
I feel like in addition to adjusting to my world that will be turned upside down, maternity leave will give me space to really discover more about my path, and really give me that full business break so I am ready to jump back in once it’s over.
There are a lot of unknowns heading my way being a first time mum. I am not sure how it’s all going to look or ultimately what kind of mum I will be. But I am happy to finally feel like I am getting my mojo back.